no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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