Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
