I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he shaved USA in his pubs
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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