I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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