I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
