you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
