Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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