things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
