Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
