i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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