I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
