Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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