happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
