Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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