you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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