who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
