DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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