I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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