the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
