Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
