life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
