Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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