After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Holy shit dude........stairs
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
