Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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