everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
