I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
