Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
