we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
