She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
