im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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