nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize