Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I came so hard my ears popped.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
