so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
