I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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