I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
