I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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