is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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