You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
