If i come over, it means nothing
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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