it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
