Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
