drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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