I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This is my gift to your gina
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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