seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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