I'm jealous of your bromance
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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