You really coming over, don't trick.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
