We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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