The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
