I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize