yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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