I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Who died my cat blue again?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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