dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
