Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
