I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
