Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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