forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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