It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
