she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
