called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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