Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
