brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
