a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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