sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
