I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize