put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Your cock deserves a montage
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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