another moral hangover. fuck.
I checked into jail on foursquare
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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