Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
