I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
